Do you unconsciously make frantic sacrifices in a relationship, give everything, and even abandon your dignity to keep someone, while reassuring yourself that “it is all because of love”? Are you longing for intimacy or trapped in invisible control?
Cao Xuemin | Counselor with a PhD in psychology from Fudan University; author of Why We Stopped Loving and The Psychology of Breakups; lecturer for the Vistopia programs Abnormal Relationships and When Love Ends
💬 Topics
01:26The story behind the publication of Xuemin’s The Psychology of Breakups
04:58Does a reconciliation obtained by pleading become a degraded relationship of unequal power?
06:43How did people’s pursuit of intimacy change over ten years?
08:58Can rushing to define a relationship obscure the whole picture?
13:55Why is entering a relationship increasingly difficult: are options scarcer, or are people more clear-eyed?
15:36How does the assumption of “true love” conceal real feelings and ugly truths?
21:16How much does family of origin influence an extreme relationship?
27:42How can you know whether you carry trauma, and how can you face it?
36:01Why can loneliness become a dead end? Our tolerance for “having no relationship”
38:56Is intimacy harder for more independent people?
43:16Can being alone feel sufficient? A calm brain and a positive cycle
50:40Does a lasting, stable relationship require a grateful partner?
56:38What is “power” in intimacy? Irreplaceable dependence
01:01:17Behind self-destructive courtship: power relations or personality disorder?
01:05:13What is wrong with using extreme emotional experience to prove self-worth?
01:08:19Distinguishing self-respect, inferiority, and narcissism: “I am here, and that is good enough”
01:15:15How can self-love and boundaries be made clear in intimacy?
01:19:39Why are women more likely to serve another’s satisfaction through a spirit of “devotion”?
01:25:39Is “I want to give” really my own thought?
01:27:46The role of sex in intimacy and power structures
01:34:52Must marriage equate fidelity in love with sexual fidelity?
01:42:38Passion versus long-term stability: which is love?
01:51:21How do public opinion and ideas shape structures of power?
01:54:06Does “whoever has more power” mean “whoever dares to leave”?
01:58:04Sometimes is it not love that moves us, but the freedom and satisfaction of breaking a power structure?
02:04:29How should we understand struggles for power in the “Chinese family”?
02:14:55Why are we afraid to leave, and how do we gain the freedom of being able to leave?
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💬 Topics