Hello, I’m Xuemin.

Welcome to Episode 3 of Chapter 2 of Abnormal Relationships. Earlier episodes covered breakups; today begins several episodes on infidelity.

Whenever people ask why someone cheats, others say analysis only excuses moral corruption. I understand: infidelity entails deception, broken agreements, and deep harm to partners and children. People fear that explaining causes absolves the cheater.

But first,explaining why something happened is different from removing responsibility. Precisely because betrayal causes real harm, we need to know how it occurs.

For the betrayed, understanding may reduce self-blame and comparison with the third party. For those seeking faithful, lasting intimacy, it reveals risks, how boundaries loosen, and what fidelity requires.

We therefore examine not only the outcome but the abnormal elements that gradually weaken boundaries and facilitate transgression.

 

Having experienced betrayal, I understand the uncontrollable questions: what was wrong with me? Was the other person younger, prettier, or more understanding? The betrayed may blame their own shortcomings.

Infidelity easily turns another person's choice into a trial of oneself.

So first: do not compare. Betrayal never occurs because you were not good enough. Individual, environment, and relationship factors intertwine; it is not a simple choice between two people or a contest of superiority.

Often,cheating does not choose a better person but chooses to have both: retaining security, family, company, and benefits while gaining novelty, desire, understanding, admiration, or other satisfaction outside.

Relationship scholar Esther Perel writes in The State of Affairs that 56% of married men and 34% of married women who cheated described their marriages as happy or very happy. A happy relationship cannot entirely prevent infidelity.