Hello, I’m Xuemin.

Today I want to examine a widely repeated claim about infidelity: ‘Cheating is a mistake every man in the world makes.’ Its best-known source was a famous man responding to revelations of an affair and extramarital child: ‘I merely made a mistake every man makes.’

Years later, it still excuses male infidelity, sometimes mocks male cheaters, and most often serves as a shield. Similar claims include ‘men are all like that,’ ‘the more successful the man, the more likely he cheats,’ and ‘it is male instinct.’

Repeated until they become common sense about men and intimacy, such claims leave betrayed women angry and confused: do all men cheat? Would another man be no different? If cheating is instinct, can we expect and work for fidelity?

This bonus episode addresses two levels. First, are these claims factual? Second, and more importantly, why does someone say all men make this mistake, and how does that shape our understanding of infidelity, fidelity, and responsibility?

 

Large surveys are scarce. A representative Chinese study by Renmin University professor Pan Suiming found male infidelity rising from 11.8% in 2000 to 34% in 2015, and female infidelity from 4.1% to 13.4%. Other informal surveys broadly agree: both women and men cheat, rates have risen, and men's rates are often higher—but nowhere near all men.

Therefore,existing data support a gender difference in rates, not the conclusion that all men cheat.These are entirely different conclusions.

The claim that more capable men cheat more also lacks evidence.

Capable is itself vague: wealthier, better educated, higher-status, more famous, or more socially useful? Each definition could yield different results.

Some may answer that data describe behavior, while male nature itself might favor infidelity.

Evolutionary psychology is sometimes used to rationalize this: men naturally seek more partners to spread genes, so promiscuity and infidelity are instinctive.

This inference confuses several things.