Hello, I’m Wang Fang. Greetings to you today.

Last time we discussedattachment,defined as the emotional bond with intimate others. Early in life, we naturally attach to caregivers not merely for food and care, but more importantly togain a sense of safety, especially when helpless, vulnerable, or threatened.When the bond is secure, we seek proximity to attachment figures. Like a secure base, they support our exploration and comfort us in distress(Fraley, 2019). We can say thatlife’s strongest emotions mostly arise from the development, maintenance, and disruption of attachment, while the quality of our first bond, usually with parents, has lifelong significance.

If early parental care and interaction matter so greatly, then conversely,if parents fail, does that mean all parents are harmful or that the family of origin is an original sin?

As the family-of-origin concept has spread, condemnation of incompetent parents—those who bear but do not raise, raise but do not teach, or teach improperly—has intensified. This improves awareness and practice of scientific parenting, but may create risks for both parents and children. Let us consider each.

Emphasizing parenting undoubtedly reduces neglect and abuse. Yet an overwhelming array of advice and guides imposes immense pressure. Most parents sincerely love their children and want them to flourish, butexcessive anxiety can leave them lost or distort their actions.Chinese tradition says that an untaught child is the father’s fault; contemporary culture warns not to let children lose at the starting line. With many families having one child, fear of parental failure intensifies: if the child does not become what I hoped, is it my fault?

Under such anxiety, parents fret excessively, fear a word or glance will ruin a child’s life, or overcompensate. The most typical extreme is psychological control.