Hello, I’m Xuemin.

Welcome to Episode 5 of Abnormal Relationships.

Today we discuss parentified romantic relationships.

In such a relationship, one partner takes full care of the other—across life or in areas such as emotions, social life, health, study, or career. More importantly, one is always responsible for the other: success is the caregiver's credit and failure their fault, and the recipient assumes this is natural. Roles may also reverse by domain. In ‘domineering CEO and delicate wife’ stories, for example, he manages her career while she manages his emotions.

This resembles parent and child, but romance packages it as doting or indulgence. One feels safe being cared for and the other needed; both call it love. But:when love becomes fixed role-play and two people are trapped as caregiver and recipient, is it really love?

Today we examine parentified relationships and the deeper question behind them:do we truly need love, or merely security?

 

Consider a real counseling case.

Xiaojing and Xiaogu are a same-sex couple who began unusually. Three or four years ago, Xiaojing had a girlfriend who refused to make their relationship public. While waiting resentfully, she grew closer to Xiaogu. They first ate and attended class together, and Xiaogu helped with assignments. Later Xiaojing confided her romantic frustrations; Xiaogu comforted her, brought treats, and took her out. They eventually held hands during a film—Xiaojing cheated, and Xiaogu became the third party.

This continued for over six months, which both remember as wonderful. Xiaojing enjoyed being doted on: Xiaogu handled study and life and soothed every upset. Xiaogu was delighted to discover she liked women, and Xiaojing matched her dream—cute, long-lashed and round-eyed, with a lively, clear, slightly coquettish voice like a childhood doll. Even her temper resembled an adorable bristling kitten. Amid this indulgence, Xiaojing left her girlfriend and formally chose Xiaogu.